


TV: #29

by Ignisentis



Series: 32 Ways To Say I Love You [29]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Chet Hardpecs, Fake Television Shows, M/M, TV Bingewatching, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-19 04:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22672057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ignisentis/pseuds/Ignisentis
Summary: Bucky finally convinces Steve to watch the cheesy 1960s show "Steve Rogers and His Howling Commandos"...starring Chet Bradson.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: 32 Ways To Say I Love You [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602352
Comments: 32
Kudos: 140





	TV: #29

**Author's Note:**

> Part of this entry was inspired by an MST 3K episode where they just made fun of the lead actor every time he was on screen because his character had a truly ridiculous name. Alas, I can't remember which episode.

Steve’s sitting on the loveseat in his craft room working on a scarf for Wanda when he hears Bucky calling his name from somewhere in their apartment.

“Yeah?” he calls back. “I’m in the craft room!” He hears the thudding of Bucky’s feet as he quickly makes his way to the craft room. He’s grinning almost maniacally when he comes through the door, StarkPad in his hands. He’s holding it so the screen is facing Steve, like he wants Steve to see something on it.

“Steve, what the utter fuck?!” he says gleefully.

Steve narrows his eyes and tries to make out what Bucky’s talking about. It looks like the menu of some streaming service, but Steve’s not sure — ah. Oh, shit, he was hoping Bucky never,  _ ever, _ found that show. Steve groans, which only makes Bucky smile wider.

“Steve, please. Please, please, please, we  _ have _ to watch this. Come on, come sit with me on the couch so we can make fun of this show together. We’ll order lots of takeout and eat junk food all day and snuggle on the couch and watch this terrible TV show.”

Steve sighs and puts his knitting down. “You really want that?”

Bucky nods excitedly, and his enthusiasm is pretty damn adorable. And catchy. Steve’s starting to feel...excited isn’t the right word, not yet anyway, but...less trepidatious, maybe.

The thing is, after he came out of the ice, part of the reacclimation training that SHIELD put him through included a section on well, himself. Or at least what the world had done with Captain America, and to a lesser extent Steve Rogers, while he’d spent 7 decades frozen.

There were a lot of books. A  _ lot _ of books. And some movies, merchandise, legends and myths and all sorts of things. But there was also this one TV show that had aired for four seasons during the 1960s. It was 138 episodes of cheesy, ham-fisted, ludicrous, over-the-top missions and wartime hijinx, and audiences at the time had eaten it right up. It was sort of a cult favorite now, and Steve knew the other Avengers had all watched it at some point since they loved to quote Cap dialogue at him, but he himself had avoided it like the plague.

And now here was Bucky, practically begging to watch it together. Snuggling up on the couch together all day does sound pretty nice. And Bucky does look so excited. Well, then. Why the fuck not? Steve sets down his knitting and sighs exaggeratedly. He’s pretty sure Bucky gets what he’s doing because his smile gets even wider, if that’s possible, before making the cutest little pouty face.

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeease, Steve?”

“Oh, all right,” Steve finally gives in. 

“Yay!” Bucky enthuses, bounding across the room to press a kiss to Steve’s lips. “I’ll go get it set up and order some food. You change out of those jeans and into some comfy sweats and meet me on the couch.”

“Sure thing, Sarge,” Steve says, giving a mock salute.

Bucky whaps him on the arm. “Punk,” he admonishes before heading back out of the craft room.

Steve does as Bucky instructed and goes to get changed. Bucky is still on the phone ordering food when Steve walks into the living room, so he flops down on the couch and gets comfortable, pulling a blanket over his lap as he stretches out. Alpine hops up and sets up on his lap, purring and making biscuits on his leg before settling down. Steve traces his hand along Alpine’s back, his fur soft against his fingertips. 

Bucky hangs up a minute later and joins them on the couch. He curls up next to Steve under his own blanket, and once he’s settled in, Alpine abandons Steve for Bucky, the fickle little thing.

“Traitor,” Steve says to the cat, who completely ignores him as he’s wont to do. Bucky just laughs and coos at his cat some before queueing up the first episode.

Steve groans as the opening credits start to play because they’ve basically just reworked “Star-Spangled Man With A Plan” with some new lyrics and a more modern — well, modern for the 60s — feel, and great, now  _ that’s _ going to be stuck in his head for the next week.

Bucky is humming along gleefully, so Steve bumps him with his shoulder. Bucky just grins and starts humming louder.

Then the narrator comes on, all patriotic vowels and crisp consonants, as he introduces Steve Rogers and each of his Howling Commandos. Every time they introduce a new commando, there’s a little biography of them with a clip of them in action — not a real news clip from back in the day, but a fake one on the show — that basically runs down each of their roles in the squad.

Steve frowns. Yeah, some of them had been better in certain areas than others, but it’s not like they only had one role. The reason they all worked so well is they had a common set of core skills they used, then they’d fill in the gaps as needed. 

Bucky reaches out and traces his fingertip between Steve’s eyebrows where he gets deep furrows when he frowns. “Relax, Steve,” Bucky says, “it’s a terrible, unrealistic TV show. It’s cheesy and bad, but it’s supposed to be that way, okay? Just go along for the ride.”

Steve sighs and rolls his shoulders, trying his best to get into the mindset Bucky’s asking for.

The last Howlie to get introduced is Bucky, who looks all of 18 for some reason, and Steve can’t help but laugh at the scandalized way the Bucky next to him says, “oh,  _ hell _ no!”

“Relax, Buck,” Steve says in between laughs, “it’s just a TV show.”

“Oh, my god,” Bucky huffs out.

Steve squeezes his leg as the episode itself begins.

~~~

“That isn’t even physically possible. You’re flexible, Steve, but not  _ that _ flexible.”

Steve tilts his head. “I wonder how they even  _ filmed _ this.”

~~~

“Wait, wait. Wait. The guy playing me is named Chet Bradson? Seriously? That’s the dumbest name I’ve ever heard, that can’t be his real name,” Steve says, affronted.

“Just wait, I think I get recast halfway through this season because original me hit a massive growth spurt and got taller than Chet Bradson.”

“What were his parents  _ thinking? _ ” Steve whispers.

~~~

“Why is my fake uniform so tight? And why does it keep getting torn right on fake me’s abdominals?”

“Duh, Steve, come on. Chet Bradson is ripped, that’s why.”

“...You know what, I’ll give you that one.”

~~~

“Are you...are you crying, Buck?”

“Shut up, Steve! That episode was really poignant, okay?”

Steve puts his arm around Bucky’s shoulder and pulls him in so Bucky can sniffle into his neck. “I don’t know if I’d call fake me punching Hitler  _ poignant, _ but…”

~~~

“Holy shit, how many times is fake me gonna punch Hitler during this show, anyway? What are we up to, 8?”

“That would be a fun drinking game — drink every time fake Steve punches Hitler.”

“Drink every time fake Bucky says, ‘golly, Steve!’”

“Can’t. We’d die of alcohol poisoning.”

~~~

“I thought this was going to be way more racist than it is,” Steve says at one point, a dozen episodes in.

Bucky hums his agreement. “Yeah, it’s actually...not very insensitive.”

“Huh.”

~~~

Steve and Bucky recoil a few episodes later. “Oh. There’s the racism.”

~~~

“Why…” Bucky tries to get out, breathless with laughter, “...are there PALM TREES...in the Ardennes?”

“Where?!” Steve asks, incredulous.

Bucky pauses the show, and sure enough, there are palm trees in what’s supposed to be the Ardennes. 

“Here we see the Ardennes Forest,” Steve starts in his best David Attenborough voice. “Known for its lush, tropical jungle…”

Bucky’s laughing so hard he’s gasping for breath at this point.

“...And plentiful wildlife, it was a favorite vacation spot for soldiers during the Second World War. Note the many tall palm trees…”

~~~

“Christ, did they actually do  _ any _ research for this show? There’s no way Peggy’s uniform would have looked like that. Or her hair, for that matter.”

“I’m still not over the fact that they made me a teenager who wears tights into battle.  _ Tights, _ Steve!”

“Well. They are pretty comfortable.”

“Wait.” Bucky turns to Steve, eyes narrow as he assesses Steve. “You  _ did _ keep the outfit!”

~~~

Chet Bradson isn’t a very good actor, as it turns out, but he is very good at standing around looking patriotic.

“Chet Hardpecs,” Steve says in his best narrator voice the next time Bradson strikes his jaw square, chest puffed, hands-on-hips pose.

“Bradford Bradson,” Bucky says in his best narrator voice the pose after that.

“Man Manly.”

“Gruff Testosterone.”

“Grim Buffington.”

“Abner ‘Abby’ Abs,” Bucky says, air quotes and all. 

“Iron Benchpress.”

“Punch Tightpants.”

~~~

Bucky snores softly as the episode ends, and Steve looks over at him fondly. His mouth is slack and open, just on the verge of drooling. He should look ridiculous but looks adorable instead. Steve feels a swell of fondness sweep through his belly as he reaches out to tuck some hair behind Bucky’s ear. That makes him stir and open his eyes with a mumbled “Chet Hardpecs.”

Steve snorts and runs his hand down Bucky’s arm. “Time for bed, sweetheart.”

“Nnn,” Bucky grunts intelligently. “Jus’ one more episode.”

Steve chuckles and stands up, moving over Bucky and picking him up off the couch. Bucky just sighs and leans into Steve. Steve kisses Bucky’s hair and carries him off to bed.

  
  
  



End file.
